And Another Thing...the cell phone, smart phone..whatever it's called...

I hate to blame the age of electronics for our lack of manners, but I think it's partially to blame. Not entirely, but I think it's got a little something to do with it.
It's so anonymous, so distant and yet, so personal. So many people have lost communication skills over the last few years. Perhaps they never learned them in the first place. Texting, before the invention of smart phones, was akin to short-hand or hieroglyphics, a chore for me, and one I didn't perform until I finally got a smartphone  Emotions and moods are indicated by emoticons..and those two words, by the way, texting and emoticon eluded my I.E. Spell Checker as to their validity so I had to add them to the data base..spell check, it seems is as far behind the times as I.
So, keeping in line with my general theme of things, that being lack of manners and lack of understanding how things work, and why, in the service industry I think it's important to connect the general lack of manners to this age of electronics.
Everywhere I look someone is on their phone. Seriously, stand in one spot and look around you. People walking, standing, sitting, eating, driving, at the store, at the gas station..look around and take note at how many people are either on their smartphone, or something similar. It really is amazing.
I see it all the time and when I do I want to say something, but don't. Until now, in the safety of the Internet, the anonymous, distant and yet so personal Internet, I'll say my piece.
It is unbelievably rude to approach someone with whom you are about to do business while you are on your phone. PERIOD!
Have you ever been to the store when the two employees behind the counter are having a conversation while one of them is taking your money, but neither of them looks at you, greets you with so much as a hello, nor thanks you as your change or receipt is handed over the counter? How anonymous did that make you feel? I bet you were pissed and swore under your breath that you'd never go to that store again, that you really should call and complain. But you didn't because, well.. because you didn't.
About a year ago I went to a local store that I don't usually shop at because it's expensive, but on occasion it's the only choice. So, I went to that store and the young woman at the register never looked at me, she never greeted me, never made eye contact, not once. Her back was  turned to me as she handed me the receipt.  She was talking to her fellow cashier who was working in the lane behind her. She actually handed me my receipt while her back was turned to me! I grabbed the receipt and stomped off. I was really pissed, and almost called to complain, but didn't because as rude as she was, I wouldn't want her to lose her job. I guess that makes me part of the problem.


Here are a few scenarios that may seem familiar to you.

Your'e  at the store, walking through the isles, phone planted to your ear. OK, kind of rude, but not too bad.  I don't want to hear your conversation, but perhaps that's just me.  Where it goes from kind of rude to plain old rude is when you continue the conversation while you are at the check-out. Just as I expect the cashier to cease and desist any conversations she is having with her co-workers while I I'm paying for my purchases, I also expect you, the customer to tell whomever it is on the other end of your conversation that you'll call them back. You don't even have to talk to the cashier, but  manners dictate that you get off your phone.

Here's where the education comes in.
You are rude, get off your phone.

You're at the bar or restaurant, your server or bartender approaches you. Get off your phone. Don't mouth the words or point to what you want to order. For god's sake, even a monkey can point! Your server or bartender is going to have to ask you at least one question and shouldn't  have to stand and wait while you carry on a conversation on your phone to get the answer.

Here's where the education comes in.
Your server has other customers, other things she can be doing, you are not her only customer. You, nor your phone conversation is so important that you cannot afford your server the two or three minutes it takes to place your order.


You're at the bank, in line in the lobby and you feel the need to be on your phone, sharing your conversation with all who are within earshot. It's finally your turn, it seems like it took for ever.
You get up to the teller window, toss down your check and without skipping a beat you continue with your conversation. The teller looks at you, waiting for you to end the conversation so she can ask what you would like to do. Finally, realizing you're  not going to get off your phone, she asks, 'what can I do for you today?'
You mouth the words, deposit. ..can you see where this is heading?  The fact that you're to lazy or too entitled to fill out your own deposit slip is a whole other topic, but for now we'll leave it alone.
So, here is where the education comes in.
You are at the bank to do business, financial business. There is no conversation that you can hold that is so important that it cannot wait until you are done with your financial business.Get off your phone. If the conversation is that important, get out of the line and finish your conversation elsewhere.

The Waitress..revised

Your waitress is the person who takes your food and beverage order, knows the menu and can enhance your meal by making suggestions. Those are the basics of her job.


The average server starts her shift at about 10 in the morning, but by then she's been up for several hours. Like most people, she may  have children, housework, school, or other, similar activities to tend to before she starts work.
Once at the job, she has to prepare her section for the day.
It's all very basic stuff, wipe the tables, chairs & booths, fill water pitchers, make coffee, set out all the prep items needed for making salads, get the sauces & dressings ready, fill the ice bins, make the ice tea, roll silverware, etc. And, at the end of the day, put it all away, label all the items with expiration dates, throw out the old, in with the new.
One thing you may not know is that many restaurants, even those big chains, no longer hire dishwashers for the day shifts. The servers and cooks do that.  As a matter of fact, many of them no longer have cleaning crews,  the closing servers and kitchen staff do that fun chore.  Picture this: the house is full, the guys in the kitchen are cooking, frying, tossing, chopping, heating at a break-neck speed, the servers have full sections, everything and everyone seems to be running about 30 seconds behind, the bus pans are full, the dishes are piling up in the dish-room and now in the middle of the rush there's no clean silverware.  Someone has to stop what they're  doing..waiting on you perhaps..to rack, then rinse the dirty dishes & silverware and send the rack through the dishwasher, but one rack just isn't enough, and the cooks are running out of pans.So, they do just enough to get by, hoping the plates & silverware come out clean because there certainly wasn't time to change the water in the dish machine. It takes more than five minutes to  drain, clean the food particles out of the mesh traps, and refill the machine.That colossally insane idea thought up by the corporate powers that be may save the company  money but it makes for some tense lunch rushes and more than a few pissed off employees. None of which has anything to do with you, the customer, other than to illustrate some of the behind the  scenes antics of those wacky restaurant servers and why they may not be in eyesight of you at every moment.
The amount of ice a restaurant can go through during a typical lunch would likely surprise you, and in many cases servers wait until there is no more ice in the bin before filling it because it's heavy, hard work and again, takes more minutes than they have to spare, so, they wait, hoping someone else fills the bin. So, one of the servers finally does the deed and  while filling it, the hosts have seated three more tables in her section, two tables are ready to leave and she has food up in the window, which thankfully, someone else will deliver.
Now, don't get me wrong, most servers can do this rather well.  This is what they signed up for, this is what they do. 

Here is where the education comes in.


When you let your small children go to the bathroom without you and they make a mess, the Good Housekeeping Fairy isn't the one who cleans it, the server is. And when you let your kids  drop all their food on the carpet, it's the server who cleans it, not the Magic Carpet Cleaning Fairy. So keep this in mind;
Yes, this is what your server signed up for, this is what she does, but  have a little courtesy,  use common sense, take some responsibility for your kids.  Don't send your small children to the bathroom alone.  
If they drop food on the carpet, no one expects you to clean it up.  What would be nice, though, is that you stop giving them the food they insist on throwing on the floor! They're babies, practically, this is what they do and they do it rather well. Just limit them!


When your server delivers your food and asks if you need anything and one person at the table says, "yes, can I get some more dressing?", your server replies, "sure..anyone else need anything?"..and you all say, "no..we're  good" so, your server goes to the kitchen to get more dressing and upon returning to the table, another person decides they need more dressing. Too bad, you had your chance, is what I say. One trip to the kitchen to get any extras you need is all you get, anything beyond that is rude and thoughtless. The server has five or six  other tables to cater to, you are not her only customers.


And, just so you know, the menu, unless otherwise stated, is not customizable. It really isn't ok to add to, subtract from, or generally create your own meal. Asking for no onions is one thing, completely changing a menu item is quite another. 


Bring a sweater.  The servers don't control the heat or air conditioning. One table says it's too cold, the next, too hot. You just can't please everyone.  It is so freaking hot in the kitchen that the staff will have no sympathy for you, so dress accordingly, wear short sleeves and bring a sweater, but do not complain to your server.


Servers make mistakes. It happens, but you know what? Big deal, get over it! So she brought you a diet instead of regular Coke. It was an error, not a crime.


When your server approaches your table, get off your phone/laptop/iPad. Give her the attention that she gives you. 
Do not snap your fingers at, holler across the room for, or interrupt your server when she is with another table.
Her name is not sweetie, honey, sugar, or any other asshole name you come up with.


And then there's the tipping thing. I know, there's no law that says you have to tip, but there is a law that says servers have to report them.  Sure, they can hid the cash tips, but not the debit card or credit card tips, which is how most people pay. Most restaurants require their servers to claim a percentage of their sales, whether they make that much or not.  So, it is not ok to stiff your server. And if you receive any kind of discount on your bill, remember, tip on the PRE-discounted bill, because that's the amount your server pays taxes on. If you can afford to go out and eat, you can afford a  tip.


Most of it is common sense, but some things, well, some things must be taught.

Something Someone Said

I have worked in the service industry since I was 14 years old, in fact I lied about my age to get my first job, only by a few months, but still, I lied to get the job as a bus girl at a fine dinning restaurant, back in 1973.  The Hanson House, a family restaurant owned by Art and Loretta Hanson.  I remember very little of those two people, except they were serious and business like and looking back I don't think they liked many of their employees, nor did they seem to enjoy the job but they ran a successful and profitable restaurant.

Most of what I know about the service industry I learned while working at the Hanson House, first as a bus girl, then as a cocktail waitress, and finally as a bartender. 

What made me change careers after so many years in a job that I knew better than most people?

A woman flicked food off her plate at me.  It was as simple as that.  I looked at her and saw a normal looking woman, perhaps 10 years older than myself.  She was with her husband, daughter and grandchild.  They all looked normal, had happy faces There was laughter at the table.  They had had an appetizer; I'd cleared the plates, refilled their soft drinks, delivered their meals and was doing the 2-3 minute check back.  This woman had ordered the Chicken Quesadilla as her meal and when I returned for the check-back, she had lined up bits of bacon from inside the Quesadilla on the edge of her plate and began flicking them at me, "Does"..flick  "This"..flick.."Look"..flick..."Like"..flick .."Chicken?"..Flick.

 I began to explain that it was bacon, and there is indeed bacon in the Quesadilla's. But, before I got more than  a few words out she held up one slice of the Quesadilla, as she was chewing another slice, opened it and asked, "Do you see any chicken?" I replied that I was sorry and I can have another made for her right away. I've learned that it does not help to explain, or justify, just acknowledge and fix. I offered to get my manager.

"No, I just want to enjoy what's left of this meal".

Meanwhile, as my face burned in humiliation, as all the tables around me witnessed this scene, her family seemed completely unaware of the exchange.  They continued to eat, talk and laugh. Their lunch bill came to $50.00 some dollars, and they left me .37 cents. Their service was exceptional, I made sure of it.  I never adopted a sour attitude, I remained polite, cheerful and professional.

What makes a person behave that way?  When did it become okay to sit idle as your mother/wife/husband/whoever behaves this way to another person?

I realize people have issues, some serious issues and I get that. But what I do not get is the lack of manners, common manners that we were all, hopefully , raised with.